ms_user

I've gained an extra fifty pounds. I have been sulking in my own pity party for too long and no one can change my weight but me.

So, I've started working out today and it was much harder than I remember it being. That is very discouraging to realize when you set foot on the tredmil.

But after I work out I feel so bloated. I hate it. It's like I'm trying to help myself feel and look better but everything is discouraging me. This is a struggle.

I guess I'm retaining water weight or something.

Ugh.

I would tell them that our world is a strange emotional unfair battle zone. As a whole, our world is full of fear that our natural reaction to situations is War. 

I would explain I would not make a good representative of humanity because I struggle with my depression, bi-polar and my intents would not be very admirable in that state of mind.

I would not consider going back with them for a visit, for fear of being probed or experimented on. I live in fear in the aspect of aliens coming for me.

There are so many that i love for when I got the blues.

Benny and Joon - a love story that has mild and innocent humor. The sheer simplicity in their lives makes me smile and enjoy watching it.

Blow - a drug story that has a lot of upbeat energy in it as well as sad events, but I find the story as a whole inspiring. The idea of wanting to grow up and be something more and how it resulted in the greatest cocaine shift of the 80's.

House - the television show. The drama and rude humor from the character 'Dr. House' makes me laugh.

I have two people I'd like to ask questions.

1.) Kennedy, were you killed by 1 or 3 people? The magic bullet concept is bullshit, I believe there was more than 1 person involved, but i'd like to know the truth.

2.) Michael Jackson, did you actually molest any children? What was your proudest moment?
-I ask because I believe he was a good person but had a bad upbringing, self-destructive tendencies (like reconstructing his face bc of his fear of looking like his father). And his music was amazing.

I've given you windows, options, what have you. But you haven't taken any of them to get out of this relationship. You tell me that you love me, need me and all that but I'm not seeing it. I'm not feeling that from you anymore.

It's bad enough that our work schedules keep us apart but it's even worse when you wont even meet me half way when we do have the opportunity to spend time together. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to 'make' this work. Should love be enough? Should love take this much work to make it 'work'?
 

I don't know. 

Do something. Or I will.

_Brittany.

I have to work, so I can't really celebrate. It's my birthday too. I generally associate good feelings and memories with this day, with the exception of this year. Had a family tragedy couple days ago.